The Rights of the Dog

The dog is a marvelous animal. Most of the dogs I know have more loyalty and nobility in their hearts than most of the humans I know. These beautiful animals suffer mistreatment and humiliation daily at the hands of people who lack those virtues.

Yesterday it occurred to me that someone should draw up the Rights of the Dog. And then present them to the UN to be proclaimed worldwide, in a Universal Declaration of Canine Rights. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

The idea came to me when I saw a little white dog, a purebred mongrel, come trotting out of a rally in favor of ‘Yes to Reelection’ held at the El Tamarindo jardín1 in La Heroica Villa. The little dog had two enormous stickers stuck on its back which, as far as I could make out from a distance, said ‘Yes’ in very large blue letters. I followed the little dog more closely to read the fine print and could make out: “Because it is your right.”

“Is it the dog’s right to vote yes?” I asked myself. What a surprise!

It is nothing new that the propagandists of the ‘Yes’ (and those of the ‘No’ as well) plaster from top to bottom every post, tree, or overpass they find in their path. What is new is that they plaster little dogs. Thank God, posts do not vote. Nor do trees. Nor overpasses. But dogs... dogs are different, because they have intelligence. It would not surprise me if dogs voted in the Referendum of August 30. What is more, why shouldn’t they vote? In this country there are voters of every kind. The dead have voted. Foreigners have voted. People who do not exist have voted. Even one and the same person has voted several times in one and the same election. So, for what reason should a little white dog like that one be discriminated against? Or a little black dog, like my friend Sóter. Color is irrelevant. Now that I remember, Sóter is a minor and will not be able to vote in this Referendum. On August 30 he will be barely 188 dog days old, that is, less than 4 human years.

Let us see. The first of the Rights of the Dog would be: Every dog has the right to vote. So now, in addition to the proselytizing ads to attract young people to vote ‘Yes’ (those that show pretty girls in shorts, gliding along on roller skates, showing off their brand-new ID cards), they can start running doggy ads with the same purpose, which I imagine will show pretty little female French Poodles voting ‘Yes’.

The second: All dogs are born free and equal in dignity and rights. This one is to ensure that all canines are treated equally. Whether yellow (like my dog Skipper), or black (like the formidable Sóter), or, in short, of any color or breed, even of mixed colors (like my friend Luis’s black-and-white Danko).

Going back to the little white dog with the stickers, I went up to it and asked: “Compadre,2 and are you going to vote ‘Yes’?” The little dog looked at me with moist little eyes that made me feel sorry for it (the stickers were probably making its skin, or its conscience, itch), and kept on walking without so much as a ‘woof’.

That is how I realized the third canine right: Every dog has the right to remain silent. It is reasonable. Now I realize that my question was indiscreet. That little dog was at the ‘Yes’ rally, it is true, but does that mean that in its heart it believes in the virtues of Reelection? Not necessarily. Nor does it mean that it will vote ‘Yes’ to the reforms. It means only that, for one reason or another, it thought it was in its interest to be at the rally that afternoon. Perhaps so as not to be harmed in its job with the State. I do not know whether that little dog is a public employee, but if it is, this must be the reason. Or perhaps it went there “to get itself well placed and land on the gravy train, just in case.” I do not know for certain.

If it is an intelligent dog, like Skipper, it would, if it had to vote, vote ‘No’. My dogs, since they are neither public employees nor transport operators, have no need to wear any itchy sticker with blue letters.

“Poor little thing!” I thought, as I walked away from the little white dog. “Having to wear those stickers out of convenience, perhaps against its own opinion.” At the ballot box its true opinion will be seen.